I've been a teacher (of sorts), both officially and unofficially, for years. I pass along processes, methods, bits of history. On any topic of which I have some knowledge, when asked for my thoughts, I'll answer. If I'm asked for advice, I try to encourage. And if there's a mystery to be solved, I'm on it.
For me, it's usually about trying to be helpful. In some cases, though, I prefer to let others figure things out for themselves. I may have my own ideas (which is not the same as having an answer) but I won't say much. And talk about how I "feel" about something? Probably not.
So, when I started thinking about blogging and being creative as a profession, the possibility of working on projects that I wanted to pursue and writing about things that interested me was, at first, intriguing. But it's a part of my personality to support the group (at work or at home) and be a team player. I wondered: if I say what I think and do what I want to do -- when I want to do it -- what will people think of me?
Wonder lead to worry, and worrying about what others think began affecting my voice -- what to write, what to say, what to do. I shared with my family that I felt like I'd "lost my voice" and didn't know what it should sound like. I was a little disturbed when I realized they weren't sure how to respond to my concern.
That's when I realized that I'd spent most of my life responding to the needs of the moment. That was the plan that was needed at the time and, so, that was okay.
But now? Now I'm dreaming and working on a new plan. I'm working on a plan that involves some writing about the problems I've worked on and the questions I've asked in the past (and continue to ask now). I'm working on a plan that involves some illustrating and some story telling, skills that I've not used in years.
And I'm hoping that pursuing a new plan, a new Dream, will help me find my Voice again.
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